Now, I always knew I was fat. After all, I had it pounded into me for my entire grade and high school career. For some reason, it didn't start to bother me until I wanted to do me. Be my strange, not-from-this-planet (as I was dubbed by an ex-boyfriend who I happen to still be friendly with) self.
Okay, I got sucked, somehow, into the void of Diet Until You're Thin! thing. Forget the fact that I was perfectly healthy. Low bp, great cholesterol readings, not so much as a hint of diabetes. I could walk 5-6 miles at a minimum, daily. I simply had to get small so I could really be myself.
Well, screw that. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that I can't change myself to be skinny. I can't make myself like other Black women, either. My hair is nappy because I don't like scalp burns from perms. And half the time, I whack my hair off anyway. Less expensive to leave it nappy.
Well, I'm fat. And I happen to be cute, too. Don't think so? Well, tell the guy who ran two city blocks to try and talk to me two days ago I'm not cute.
So why the hell am I worried about being skinny? Or thin? I'm perfectly healthy. I always have been. Now, if I remain active and continue to eat properly 95% of the time, I ought to remain that way. So says my doctor. Who is Smarter than Thou. Especially since she's never so much as considered having me diet. Her recommendation when I asked her (strangely, she never said I should lose weight. Ever.) was to follow the healthy eating guidelines and exercise. I should be fine. She saw no reason, looking at my chart, for me to lose weight. She actually said I was disgustingly healthy, and she didn't need to see me for a year. This, despite me being 245lbs.
I'm fat. I'm healthy. Does Not Compute to most, I guess.
Ah, well, somehow I won't worry about it unless my doctor says I should. Of course, the fun times of the nurses taking three tries to find my bp...always amusing. I have bp, I'm alive. It's just..normal. Slow, but normal. The highest it's ever been is 118 over 90. Tops. Usually, it hangs out at about 102 over 62. Wierrd.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
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